


until the darkness goes

by pawn_vs_player



Category: Yandere Simulator (Video Game)
Genre: (it's all in her head she's just worried nothing happens), Alternate Canon, Anxiety, F/F, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Murder, POV Second Person, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, The Power of Motherfucking Friendship, Time Loop, Underage Prostitution, Why Did I Write This?, ahhh midori how i love you and your strange strange ways, compensated dating, cuz y'know iT'S A TIME LOOP, listen....fuck the canon storyline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-01-10 11:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12298815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pawn_vs_player/pseuds/pawn_vs_player
Summary: This is not how you wanted your week to go.In which Kokona has the worst week of her life, over and over and over again.





	1. daisies and begonias

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Paint It Black".  
> ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,apparently i write yansim fic now???? save me 
> 
> ~~i definitely don't have other ideas for this fandom what are you talking about~~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >Start new game?  
> >y/n  
> >y  
> >>>Loading...

You open your texts, seeing one from Saki. She wants to talk to you on the roof during lunch. You wonder if it's about her lost bra (and god, you feel awful about that).

You hope she's okay. 

You're not. 

Last night had gone bad - you don't want to think about it - you'd had to call the restaurant's security and he'd spit curses at you, called you a whore and a tease and a cheap honeypot. 

You're  _not_ a whore. You've never touched any of them, never let any of them touch you. It's just dinner and conversation. It doesn't mean anything.

You're not losing anything you can't get back. 

A dark-haired girl brushes roughly by you. It takes you a moment to place her: the Aishi girl, the one who talks to almost no one and smiles even less. Her eyes are a strange dark gray, and you don't think you've ever heard her voice. 

You should shrug it off. Everyone bumps into the local loner sometime or another. It's almost like a sign of acceptance, or a maturity ritual -  _you touched the Freak and didn't get infected with her crazies, good for you!_

You frown at yourself. You shouldn't be so unkind, it's just that...

You glance down the line of lockers, past Saki's long twisting twintails. 

Aishi is leaning against the wall, lip in her teeth, looking at her phone. For just a moment, those inscrutable stormcloud eyes flick up from the screen to meet your own.

You shiver. When Saki asks if you're okay, you can't give her an answer.

 

At seven thirty, your phone buzzes. You excuse yourself from the social circle, not missing Saki's concerned glance, and walk quickly to the front of the school. You recognize the number from a few weeks ago, and the sick feeling in your stomach only worsens.

You want to say no. You  _do_ say no.

Then he tells you the price, and your father's face drifts into your mind, the papers piled on the table and his hunched shoulders shaking with the force of his sobs, and you close your eyes and bite back the boiling nausea.

"Okay," you say, and tell yourself this is the right thing to do - more money, less dates. 

You end the call, take a deep breath. You're about to go back inside when something shifts in the corner of your vision.

The moment stretches: a long ponytail, wide eyes, blue plastic; the fumble of your fingers, your phone sliding from your hand and not into your pocket; air hitching in your lungs, an inexplicable twist in your gut.

Suddenly, you are very, very cold. 

And wet.

"Did you just-"

The bucket clatters off your chest, your phone falling with it. You're dripping.

Aishi is face-down on the ground, gasping, pushing at the ground with scraped palms. 

"Ugh, be more careful!" you sigh, not willing to chew her out just now. She stumbled, it could've happened to anyone.

Oh, no. You can't go to class soaked!

"I have to get changed!" you exclaim, running to the locker rooms.

It occurs to you, as you're pulling off your shoes, that Aishi had no reason to be carrying a bucket of water past the school doors just then.

This occurs to you right as the lights suddenly go off.

You groan. One bad thing after another, today. 

Just- just get through your classes, and at least you'll get to eat a nice dinner and be paid, after. You just have to get through the day. 

You don't bother trying to get your wet shoes back on; instead, you fumble around the lockers and benches to the door, where the light switch resides. If the power went out, you're screwed; if someone turned it off, maybe thinking the room was empty, you can just turn it back on.

You feel the edge of the door and pat across the wall until your fingers find the familiar ridge of the socket-mount.

"Just get through the day," you remind yourself, and slide your fingers to the side to press down on the switch.

You are numb.

You are shaking. 

You're screaming, burning up from the inside but still so terribly cold, the world is shaking and flashing and your hand feels detached from your body.

You jerk back, spasming, coughing, the lightning still ricocheting through you, sparks flying from your clothes and damp hair. 

The tiles catch you. The shadows are moving, rushing toward you.

A smile and dark gray eyes loom out of the darkness, before they are banished by the white light that swallows the world.

 

 

 

 

You blink at the screen of your phone. Saki wants to talk to you on the roof during lunch. You wonder if she wants to talk about her lost bra (and god, you feel awful about that). You hope she's okay.

You're - 

_dead._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,,,,,,,,,,there's another chapter in the works but idk if i'll post it  
> i guess it depends on whether people actually look at this or not  
> shrug emoji


	2. white clover and pheasant's eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mondays are the _worst._
> 
> HEY!  
> !!The tags have been changed to warn for the content of this chapter!! Kokona has some anxiety about her compensated dating and worries about the worst-case scenario of a client taking it too far. _Nothing happens,_ but it's discussed (in broad terms), so I figured I'd tag just in case. Thank you for your attention, you can read the update now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,,,,,,,,,,so apparently this is happening  
> (yes, all the chapter titles will be flowers if i can swing it)  
> (if you want to know why, do your research)

Your hand, numb. Your hair, sparking. Your muscles, seizing. Your brain, shutting down. 

Your feet, on the pavement. Your eyes, on your phone. Your hand, fisted in your skirt.

Your lungs, working.

Your heart, beating. 

You're alive.

 

_What?_

 

 

You go to your locker, change your shoes, tell Saki you'll see her at lunch. 

You go to the bathroom, lock yourself in a stall, and try not to pass out. 

Your phone buzzes in your pocket. You don't answer.

 

You're five minutes late to first period. The teacher is angry, but you're usually a good student so she lets you off with just a warning.

 

On the way to third period, you pass her in the hall. She doesn't touch you, doesn't look at you, but you feel her presence as she walks down the hall toward you. Just for a moment, the two of you are parallel in the hallway.

You look at her.

She is not looking at you.

Your fingers tingle and spasm with remembered electricity.

You hurry down the hall to your class.

 

You're distracted during your classes, too distracted, but the teachers don't notice anyway, somehow. The hours feel like seconds, like between blinks you went from Phys Ed to Lang to Bio. But at last, fourth period is over (five minutes early! Thank you, Sensei!), and you can go to lunch. 

 _Saki_. You can see Saki, and she'll give you a hug and maybe tell you a dumb joke the two of you can giggle over together, and then you'll feel better, and then - 

All the relief the thought of lunch and your best has brought you is crushed under the glacier that's formed in your stomach at the thought of tonight. 

You have a date tonight. It's your third date with the guy. In your contract you made sure it can't go farther than maybe some light touching, but they don't always read the contract all the way through and anyway they're  _grown men_ and you are a  _teenage girl._ If they - if one of them tries something - 

You don't have security during the dates. If the restaurant staff don't notice anything, you're on your own, and you've never been very good at protecting yourself. You can cook and clean and take care of yourself, but you can't  _fight._ If Third Date Guy wants to - do something - to you tonight, your only hope is running for the exit and hoping that a kind hostess or waiter will keep him from going after you. 

You shake your head and pull at one of your drill-tails. No, no, no. He's been perfectly gentlemanly. He's quoted your contract. He knows the terms. It's fine. You'll be fine. 

You just need to go to lunch and see Saki. A gossip session with the other girls won't hurt, either.

 

Huh. Why are the doors to the courtyard closed? They're supposed to be kept open, even during classes, so that kids can get between buildings quickly. 

"ACK!"

Again, cold liquid splashes down onto you. You squeeze your eyes shut and yelp - something hard bounces off your head and lands with a hollow noise on the floor. 

It smells... weird.

You wipe the liquid from your eyes and study your hands. "Is this... gasoline?! Why would someone - "

 _The doors._ Someone must have balanced a bucket of the stuff on top of the doors.

You look around. There's no one here.

You're about to go to the locker rooms, but then your hands begin shaking with cold and then suddenly it's not with cold, it's with the memory of numbness spreading through you even as your insides boiled and - 

You clench your hands into fists. Your bangs are dripping onto your nose. 

No. Goddammit, you're going to go to a teacher and  _report this,_ and then you're going to get Saki and bring her with you, and she can guard you while you change. You're not - you  _won't_ - 

(It doesn't matter what you're not going to do.)

"Kokona!"

That - 

You turn around, trying not to slip in the disgusting puddle of yellowish fluid dripping down your skirt. The voice came from the courtyard. 

In the doorway across the courtyard, you see long teal twintails. 

Something impacts with the back of your head, and you start to turn.

Dark gray eyes, and a satisfied smile.

Your head is being stabbed with a thousand hot needles. You reach for your head, but your hands jerk back on instinct from the intense heat.

Your head  _hurts._

Ayano, smiling smiling smiling, flicks another match at you.

You  _scream._

Your blouse is burning against your chest, your skin is hothothottoohotohgod, your hair is crisping and drifting into your eyes as black soot, your head  _hurts_ , oh god it  _h u  r t s_

She's laughing. She's  _laughing._

You fall. 

The white light swallows you.

 

 

You blink at the screen of your phone. Saki wants to talk to you on the roof during lunch. You wonder if she wants to talk about her lost bra (and god, you feel awful about that). You hope she's okay.

You're - 

_Oh, fuck._


	3. lavender and bachelor's buttons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does a rubber band do when you stretch it too far?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to EvannIsGay for reminding me to update this. hope you like the new chapter!  
> (i hope everyone enjoys the introduction of our favorite green girl!!!)  
> this chapter got fucking _long,_ what the hell.

The air is blissfully cool on your bare legs as you sprint to the bathrooms.

As soon as the stall door is locked behind you, you start to cry. You bury your hands in your hair, dropping your phone to the tiles. Then you drop, too, falling onto your butt and curling your knees toward your chest. You bury your face against your thighs and pull at your thick purple bangs until it starts to hurt, with a dull ache distributed along your scalp.

Oh god. 

This. This is real, isn't it. This isn't a nightmare or something, your dreams don't repeat like this, you always wake up, and even if it was a 'looping' nightmare like you've heard Musume gets, surely it can't start exactly the same way twice?

Oh god. She's trying to kill you. She's actually trying to kill you.

You rub your hands over your face, trying not to cry.

You want to go home. 

You want to go 

You want to 

You want

You 

Y̡̻̯̱ͅo̴̳̲͉͙͔͈̠̩̲͜͞u̠̮͖͇̲̙͔ ͝҉̳͖̯̲̠̪w̹̪̩̝͔̖̯͙ḁ̧̦̭͙͖̩͙̞̫͞n̶̻̯̟͕̫̥̝͘t̶̛̮̘̹͉͙̬̞̮͘ ̨͍͔̰̠̖̞̝ț̵̘̰h̛̯̱̱̟̲i̦̹̝̼ͅͅs̸͙͇̞̪̠͜͠ ̹̳̜̹t҉͖̗o͉͕̤̦͍̩͢͞ ͙̗̹͍̩̖͜ḇ̨̢̮̺̮̻̞͞e̹͔͚ ̶̠͇͖͚͞ơ̴̝͇͖͡v̧͈̯̤̳̫̙̕ẹ̭̹͠͞r̯̳͔͉͚̠̟̣͠.̮̦̞

Y̗̜̱̟̞͇͇̟͇̖̗̯͈͜͜o͢͢͏̘̗̟̲̪̖U̕͏̢̫̯̝̙͚̹͝ ͜͟͏̟̬̝w̷̬͉͇̞̟̕ͅA̷̴͔̳̣̺̪͕̙̞̞̦͢ͅṇ̢͖͇͎̗͎̙̙̥̖͚͚̞̳͜T͏̦̮̗͖͍̜͔̰̞͍̯̝͕͖̹̕͠ ͏̧̡̗̩̼̥̟̝͕̲͔̫̲͙̤̙̲̕͘t̵͓̦͓̰̹̦̭̼̤̰͜O̶̮̭̪̖̪̞̳̤̬̦͙̞̩̺̺̤͎̕͡ ͙͇͇͙̗̗̯̩̼̦͈̖̖͢g̨̛̭̰͓̮͈̹̯̮͖̠̱̻̠͕͟͡͞ͅO҉̥͈̤̖̮̰͉̼͚͉̣̗̥͎ͅ ̴̵͔̦͈̳̲̪͍̦h̝͓̮̟͔̟͞͞ͅO̬̬͉̫͖͍͞m̷̺̜̰͈̰̮̪̲̱̻̗̯̙̬̥͔̠̝͢͝͠E̷̢̩̦͕̭̮̪̲̳̞̮̤̼̗̤̦͇ͅͅ.̸̢̡̟̰̻̣̟͈͖̱͔̲͉͈  
  
Y̢̛͙͍̖̥͉̗̙̰̟̙o͏͏̘̳̩͈̳͕̙̺̤̻̯̠̩̘͎̝͟U̴̧̱͖̪̰̠͈̙̘͢ ̢̢̘͇̖͢͡w̷͉̖̜̙̣̯̜͖̗͕̟̹̱͇̫̬͘͡ͅA̛̹̣̰͙̗̝͓͇̲̼̲̤̤͟͡n̨̡̕͏͙̱͈̳̖͇̼̟̭̦͉ͅT̵̨̧̮̟͙͕̻̼̹͍̲͚̥̖͎̮̥̺̼͇̺ ͏̟͍̳͓̺̞̖͕̗̗̩̻͖̜̮͙͠͝ͅ-̴̣̫̙̞͟ ̨͠҉͓̤̗-̨̨̧͓̥̩͇̜ ̛̞͕̘̣̲̫͓̬̳̖̲̤͍͇̥̩̩ͅ-̶̹̭͎̼̱͈̝͚̯̼̦̞͢ ͕̦͖̬̣͔̼̗̯̘͖͔͈̺̦̹̘͡͝

 

_< <[Error: 404.]_

_[Reload saved data?]_

_[ >y]_

_[Loading...] >>_

 

 

The air is blissfully cool on your bare legs as you sprint to the bathrooms.

As soon as the stall door is locked behind you, you start to cry. You bury your hands in your hair, dropping your phone to the tiles. Then you drop, too, falling onto your butt and curling your knees toward your chest. You bury your face against your thighs and pull at your thick purple bangs until it starts to hurt, with a dull ache distributed along your scalp.

 _Fuck._ Musume's told you about her looping nightmares, but you didn't really understand before. This is... God, if she gets these all the time, how does she even get out of bed?

You want to go home, but you force yourself upright, trying to touch the toilet as little as possible. Musume's a... well. You don't want to be rude, even in your own head. The point is, if  _she_ has these all the time and still comes to school, what's your excuse?

You pick your phone up off the gross tiles, praying it's alright. Miraculously, it's not cracked, and it turns on when you press the home button. If you're still dreaming, at least one thing is going well.

You really hope you're not still dreaming.

 

First period is exactly the same. You dig your nails into your legs to keep from screaming. The teacher calls on you; you reply on autopilot. Time stretches on like molasses and sprints by like a frightened rabbit. First period ends. Second period begins and ends. Third period begins and ends. You do not see Ayano between any of your classes, even though you're looking. 

The bell rings. You run to the roof, texting Saki. You stumble on the top of the stairs, trying to delete a typo, and someone grabs your arm. You shriek in surprise and try to pull away, knuckles white around your phone.

Long green hair and a vacant smile. It's Midori. You relax.

"H-hey, Midori," you stammer, brushing your bangs behind your ear. "Sorry, are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" she chirps. Her unrelenting joy is oddly comforting; it usually grates on your nerves. "But... Are you okay, Kokona?"

You open your mouth to say  _I'm fine,_ and then you meet her eyes.

She's looking at you with genuine concern, now, eyebrows scrunched together and mouth pursed. Her phone isn't in her hands. She isn't smiling. 

"Are you okay?" she repeats. Her voice is low and solemn.

You pull your arm away again. This time she lets go. 

"I," you say, backing up slowly, thankful that you tripped right as you were getting to the landing, "um," you shove your phone blindly into your skirt pocket, no longer caring about the typo, "bye, Midori!"

She doesn't follow you.

You sit on the bench you usually share with Saki and send the text, finally. You don't have a lunch today, but your stomach is filled with twisting nerves and your hands are shaking, so you'd probably be unable to eat one anyway. 

You sit, watching the doors to the roof, watching everyone who walks by, and you wait for Saki to come. 

 

 

<< _[Do you want to edit program?]_

_[ >y]_

_[Please enter the correct code address.]_

_[ >Kkna.lch.exe]_

_[Kkna.lch.exe is not responding. Please enter the correct debug code.]_

_[Kkna.lch.exe is not responding. Please enter the correct debug code.]_

_[Kkna.lch.exe is not responding. Ple A S ee N T E r T h EcO R rE cT dE bU gcOD e]_

_[Kkna.lch.exe is not responding. lEa VE hE r a LonE.]  
_

_[An error has occurred.] >>_

 

Your head is pounding. You feel dizzy. Even though you can't see your phone screen very well, you try to type out another text to Saki. 

Another pulse of disorientation sends your phone clattering out of your hands. You groan quietly, clutching your head. 

"...kona?"

Someone's calling your name. 

"Kokona?"

Who's calling your name?"

"Kokona!"

Why don't you recognize their voice?

"Kokona! What's wrong?"

Cool hands against yours, gentle against your overheated forehead. A sudden curtain of hair.

Oh. 

Midori.

"Kokona, are you okay? Oh, that was a stupid question. What's wrong?"

You groan. Her high voice isn't helping the headache. "Pl'se shh, Mid'ri, it hurts..."

"Oh! Okay," she whispers. That's a little better, anyway. "Kokona, can I take you to the nurse?"

"Mm-hm."

"Okay. Can you stand up?"

She helps you to your feet, draping one of your arms over her shoulder. She's... surprisingly strong. (Didn't you know that already? Didn't she already grab you?)

"C'mon," she says quietly. Her hand is cool against the back of your neck. "One foot in front of the other."

The two of you stumble downstairs, somehow. The pain and light-headedness sends a haze of confusion over you; it's all you can do to focus on walking and on not taking Midori down with you if you fall. Midori is pushing the door to the nurse's office open before you realize you're not on the stairs anymore.

"Nurse? My friend isn't feeling well!"

Another pair of hands, and then Midori lets go. You want to protest, but you aren't sure why: you don't know her, and you've never been terribly fond of her, but... but she helped you, and she's been kind to you. (She called you her friend.)

"Sit down, dear," the nurse says, guiding you to a chair and leaning over to pick something up off a nearby table. "Midori, it's nearly classtime. You can come back later to check on your friend."

Midori sounds sad when she says, "Oh... okay." You blink, trying to clear your vision. The lights are terribly bright, but you can see the distinct green blur of Midori in front of you. "I'll see you later, okay, Kokona?"

You squint. She comes into focus; she's holding her hand out, and she's smiling, but it's far less vacant than the one you usually see plastered across her face. She still hasn't taken her phone out of her pocket. 

"Alright," you rasp. You shake her hand. That sincere smile brightens and she practically  _bounces_ out of the room, leaving the door open. 

"Stay still and take deep breaths, please," the nurse says, adjusting the stethoscope in her ears. The cold metal is just touching your neck when the doors  _thwack_ shut. 

The nurse turns. You do too, even though your vision is still kind of blurry. "That's odd," the nurse says, leaning back over you and instructing you to take deep breaths.

You choke in the middle of the third breath in response to the meaty  _thump_ from outside. The nurse goes still. Without the noise of your breathing and the nurse's quiet encouragement, you can hear... something. A low, wet wheezing. 

Another thick, wet  _thud_. 

The wheezing stops. 

You look at the nurse. Her face is frozen. 

"Stay here," she says softly, putting a hand on your shoulder. "It's probably nothing." She doesn't look like she believes her own words.

She lets the stethoscope hang around her neck as she approaches the door. You dig in your pockets for your phone, only to find nothing. Oh, god. You dropped it on the roof. 

The nurse opens the door. 

 

 

<< _[People are more likely to be suspicious of you when your insanity meter is high!]_

_[Make sure to laugh it off and clean yourself up before anyone sees you!] >>_

 

 

 

Her scream is cut off by a now-familiar thud. Even through your disorientation, you can see the pale hand wrapped over the nurse's mouth, the thick gout of scarlet splashing to the ground, and the familiar black ponytail. 

No. No, no, no. No. 

The knife is pulled out and driven in again. Again. Again. 

"Stop," you whisper, fear thick and cold in your throat. "Stop it!"

Ayano drops the nurse. She hits the ground with that same, terrible sound that you'd heard outside.

Oh no.

Against your better judgement, your eyes drift away from Ayano to the door. A pool of blood is steadily growing. Just past the doorframe, you see bright green hair and a limp hand. 

You are frozen to your chair, horror pinning you down. The nurse's limp head rolls, blank doll-like eyes wide and awful.

You cannot move even as Ayano stalks toward you. Her eyes are shadowed, her clothes dripping blood. She's twitching. The room feels darker with her in it. 

She raises the knife.

She is laughing.

The blade is cold in your chest, cold in your stomach, cold in your shoulder. You're on the ground, the chair behind you, Ayano above you stabbing down and laughing, laughing, laughing. The crimson puddle underneath you is warm, at least.

There is no pain. You're just... so cold. 

The world is going blurry again. Your blood is painted across Ayano's cheeks.

It almost makes her look pretty, in a strange way. Like a doll with mommy's lipstick scrawled across her face by a clumsy-fingered child. 

The white light rushes in. You're not cold anymore.

 

 

 

You blink at the screen of your phone. Saki wants to talk to you on the roof during lunch. You wonder if she wants to talk about her lost bra (and god, you feel awful about that). You hope she's okay.

You're -

_Oh god, Midori!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not a programmer. pls don't yell at me if it's wonky and wrong.


	4. bilberry and rhodedendron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something isn't right...  
> Where is she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahhhhhh,,, it's been like seven months i have no excuse,,, have a big chapter to make up for it

You shove your phone into your skirt pocket and race for the stairs. One of the teachers calls after you, probably telling you to change your shoes. You don't listen, and you don't stop. 

You need to see her. You need to see her alive, see her smiling, see her with all her blood in her body and her phone in her hand. You need to see her safe.

So you run for the stairs, and then you run for the roof.

It's common knowledge that Midori spends as much time as she can on the roof, though her reasons remain a mystery. But then, now that you think about it, most things about Midori are a mystery - to you, at least, though you don't hear much about her from the others, and your other friends  _love_  gossiping. 

Your foot snags on the landing again. No one catches you: your knee slams into the edge of the landing and your hand skids across the floor. You bite your tongue hard enough for iron to burst into your mouth. You keep the words you want to say locked behind your teeth and push yourself up. There's a bruise on your knee and a bit of a scrape on the heel of your hand, but it's not so bad. There's blood in your mouth, and your tongue hurts, but - 

( _you're burning, numb and cold and burning all the same, oh god it hurts_ )

( _your hair is soot in your eyes, Saki is screaming your name, oh god it hurts so much_ )

( _she's laughing laughing laughing, the flash of metal reflecting Midori's hair sprawled out in a pool of red_ )

It's a small hurt. They're all small hurts. You're fine. You're  _fine._  This is nothing. 

(Nothing compares to what  _she's_  been doing to you.)

You get to your feet and pat your skirt pocket: good, your phone's still there. (You don't want to be caught without a way to call for help again.)

You squint against the sun as you walk out onto the rooftop. You don't see Midori right away, and you worry for a moment until you hear footsteps and turn your head to the left. She's walking around the railing over the courtyard, focused on her phone. 

Your knees feel weak. She's okay. She's okay. She's alive, and you're alive, and you're both okay. 

You call her name without thinking, your feet moving toward her without you realizing.  _She's okay._  She looks up at you with those big green eyes, guileless as ever, and you could faint with relief. You laugh weakly, closing your eyes and sliding a hand into your bangs.  _She's okay. It's okay._  

"Kokona? Are you... are you okay?"

Her hand is cool on your arm. "I'm fine, Midori, thank you," you tell her. You can't stop smiling. "I just... wanted to see how you were doing."

She blinks, then she smiles. "Oh! Well, thank you, Kokona! I'm doing well! I just got a new high score, actually!"

"Cool," you say, for lack of a better response. "What game?"

The bell for first classes rings before you know it.

 

You spend your day sticking to someone else's side (usually Saki) and approaching everything with wary eyes. You keep your phone in your hands or in your pocket. You do not open closed doors. You eat lunch with your friends. You do not answer the phone call, even though you know it'll cost you quite a bit of money. 

You go home as soon as school ends. You apologize to Kizana and tell her you feel sick. She scoffs at and condescends to you, like usual, but she lets you leave with only a few threats to your future in theater. Maybe you look as sick as you feel. 

You text Saki on the way home. You keep looking over your shoulder. It takes you twice as long to get home as usual.

You do not see Aishi once during the entire day. You are even more afraid.

But you've survived a Monday. You take some measure of triumph in that. You go to bed reassured.

 

You wake up to your phone buzzing. You scroll through the messages in the groupchat with numb fingers. You answer Saki's call with difficulty: your limbs are heavy, arteries clogged with lead.

You go to school. Saki clasps your arm as soon as you arrive, other girls clumping up around the two of you. The air feels gray and cold. 

That day, everyone travels in groups. Musume and her posse of bullies look less self-assured than usual. Budo and the other martial arts club members jog around school checking on everyone. You spend lunch on the roof with Saki and Midori. Saki cries into her bento with your arm around her shoulder. Midori looks blankly ahead, eating mechanically. You can barely swallow.

_My fault. My fault. My fault._

You keep searching the hallways for the familiar bob of red hair, hoping helplessly that it's all a mistake or a nightmare. You know it isn't, but you can't stop looking anyway.

(You look for a black ponytail, too. You see her only once, crossing the courtyard during lunch. She doesn't look up. You feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up anyway.)

You go to drama club, but no one can concentrate. Kizana sends you all home early. She's as sharp and arrogant as usual, but she can't hide the tremble of her hands.

You spend the night at Saki's house. Neither of you go to sleep until the early hours of the morning. 

You've made it through a Tuesday. You can't drudge up any kind of relief. 

 

You wake up to Saki crying. You already know what's happened.

You and Saki cling to Koharu and Mei the entire day. Mina, Budo's second-in-command, dogs the four of you. For once, having someone following you is reassuring. 

Your hands shake almost too hard to type, but you message Midori anyway. Your relief at her replies is short-lived. 

_My fault. My fault. My fault._

You know it's because of her. (Because of you.) She didn't get you and now - now she's taking it out on - 

For a moment, you wonder if you should just... stay at school today. Send Saki home with Koharu and Mei and wait on the rooftop, wait for the footsteps to stop behind you. Or maybe track her down yourself, insult her until she loses her cool, take all her attention and - 

No. You can't - you don't want - 

(it hurts so much)

You're not just going to roll over and let her kill you (again). If she keeps going, she'll mess up. The police are still patrolling the outside of the school. The martial arts club is on high alert. You've seen the photography kids running around too, flocking together like a pack of disturbed birds, cameras at constant ready. If she tries it again, she'll be caught. You're sure of it.

You do not go to Saki's house on Wednesday. You've skipped two days of work. You're alive, your dad's alive, and you need to pay the bills. 

On Wednesday, you spend the evening at a restaurant with a man in a suit. On Wednesday, you spend the night in a scaldingly-hot shower and crying quietly into your pillow, a wad of cash stuffed under your bed.

 

Thursday morning, your dad drives you to school for the first time in months. You leave last night's earnings on the seat of the car; he doesn't like acknowledging what you have to do to make ends meet.

Your phone's been buzzing since 6 in the morning. You already know what you'll see when you open messages, so you don't.

Saki barely speaks, and you don't either. Mei has attached herself to Mina's side, so Budo himself follows you and Saki around. You half-want to tell him to watch Mei instead - the pattern is clearly established; you and Saki aren't in danger until Mei - until Aishi - 

Saki eats lunch with Musume's crew and Budo. You go to the roof and sit in silence beside Midori.

"It's my fault," you whisper into your uneaten bento. "It's all my fault."

"If you didn't kill them," Midori says, making you jump - you thought she hadn't heard you - "If you didn't kill them," Midori says, "then it's not your fault."

"But-"

"Hey." Midori puts a hand on your knee. "I don't know what's going on with you right now, Kokona," and she isn't smiling, but her eyes are big and soft and her hand is steady and warm, "but you're not alone, you know? Everyone's scared. If you need to talk to someone, I'm always here."

You can't respond. (She's not  _always here_. She can't be. Last time - last time - ) You duck your head and stare at your lunch. She squeezes your knee and lets go. Soon, you hear the little chips and beeps of her phone game.

Saki would call her callous for playing right now (if Saki was in the mood to speak), but you understand. Midori needs normality, needs something else to focus on.

You tell Musume about the weird thing you saw the occult kids doing. Musume agrees to let Saki sleep over with her and her gang.

You see Aishi walking toward the bathrooms as you head back toward the main building for chemistry. She doesn't look at you. You speed up anyway.

When you ask, Mina puts her hand on your shoulder and gives you a tight smile. She promises to keep Mei safe. You don't ask her again. 

When you walk home, you keep your eyes straight ahead.

Thursday evening. You have one more day to survive until the weekend. You've survived three days, but - 

(one per day)

You can make it. You have to. Surely, she's made a mistake. The police will see. They'll expose her. They will.

(Can they?)

 

It's Friday morning. You leave your phone at home. You don't check the news. You walk to school with headphones on because as long as you don't know, as long as you don't know for  _sure_ - 

But you get to school eventually, and then you can't pretend anymore.

(You only have one text from Saki. _i_ _m staying home today, K. pls stay home._ )

(You left your phone at home and you didn't text her back.)

Mina has a massive bruise on her forehead. Her eyes are red. She doesn't speak as she walks the halls. You hear her arguing in whispers with Budo, refusing to return to the nurse's office.  _It's my fault, Budo, I promised and I couldn't - I failed -_

But it isn't her fault, not really.

( _If you didn't kill them, it's not your fault_. Except - _except_ -)

You don't go to the roof. When Budo starts trailing you, you tell him to go away. You're sure he doesn't really, he just keeps out of your line of sight, but that's okay. Seeing him is worse than not seeing her, at this point. You hate feeling like it's inevitable.

(At least Saki is safe.)

Clubs have been canceled. Musume and her gang watch you with apprehensive eyes. Everyone else walks around you with cautious steps, like you're infectious somehow. Everyone has noticed the pattern. Everyone knows that with Saki at home, you're next in line.

You eat your lunch under the massive sakura tree behind the locker rooms. You see glimpses of Midori on the roof every once in a while. When a wind blows, petals fall around you like a pale pink snowstorm. (For a last meal, it's pretty nice.)

One of your teachers suggests that you go home early. You tell her that you intend to stay. (You don't tell her that this is all your fault. You don't tell her that you have to fix this.)

Class ends. You walk up to the roof. It looks strangely empty without Midori there.

You stand at the railing and you watch the sun go down. The sky is painted gold and peach and orange, pink and gray clouds drifting through. It's beautiful. Your heart is pounding double-time against your ribs. For one, unforgiveably selfish moment, you wish Saki was here to give you a hug. 

Then you hear the tap-tap-tap of the school-issued shoes coming up the stairs behind you. You can feel your heartbeat in your throat. You link your hands in front of you to stop their shaking and you wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And - 

"What are you waiting for?"

You don't mean to say it. The words burst from your throat without your say-so. For a moment, you want to take them back; then you remember why you're here, and you keep your mouth closed.

And you wait. 

And wait.

And - 

"It's Friday."

Her voice is smooth, a singer's voice. In another circumstance, you might call it beautiful. Her laugh was crackling and maniacal; her voice is that of an elegant lady. It's worse, somehow, that she sounds like a normal person. 

"It's Friday," she says again. You keep your feet planted and your eyes forward. "Congratulations." 

You catch your furious reply behind your teeth. 

"I was curious," she says. If you didn't know what she was talking about, she'd sound like any other student. She sounds like Midori about a new game feature or Saki when she's started a new baking project. You hate it. You hate how normal she sounds. "I wanted to see how it would change."

She takes a step - forward or backward, you can't tell.

"Have a nice weekend, Kokona," she says. You can hear her smile in her voice. You remember her serial-killer grin. Matching that with the slight note of amusement in her blank voice gentles the  _wrongness_ of her voice. "I'll see you on Monday."

She doesn't stab you, or push you off the edge of the building, or shoot you, or anything. Her footsteps grow fainter as she walks down the stairwell and leaves you behind.

You look ahead. The sun is dipping below the horizon. The clouds are pinker now, the sky fading back to blue as the bright amber disc slides out of sight.

Movement below finally tears your eyes from the sunset. She's walking to the gate, hands in her pockets, ponytail bobbing behind her head. She doesn't look back up at you.

She looks like a normal girl, like any other Akademi student. If you concentrate, you think you can hear her humming something to herself. Her voice really is something.

She walks out the gate, slamming it shut behind her.

You look back up at the sky. The sun has set, but something's wrong. The sky isn't darkening blue anymore. The clouds are bright, bright white, and growing larger.

Your stomach falls and clenches. Your head throbs. The clouds are getting closer, getting bigger, getting brighter. Everything is bright and white. You feel sick.

The white light swallows you. 

 

You blink at the screen of your phone. Saki wants to talk to you on the roof during lunch. You wonder if she wants to talk about her lost bra (and god, you feel awful about that). You hope she's okay.

You're - 

_What. The. **Fuck.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fUCK I UPLOADED THIS BY MISTAKE FUCKING _T W I C E_ HOW AM I THIS MUCH OF AN IDIOT  
>  yeah so anyway if you were getting subscription emails for this,,, that's why


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